Is God really good? We sing it, say it. BUT do we really believe it? Do I really believe it?
You can’t go too long in many Christian circles where you don’t hear “isn’t God good?” or “we are SOOO Blessed” it has became the Christian mantra. When things are bad, then suddenly or finally, whatever you want to relay it as… “God is good” …
Again.. Do you really believe it?
I have personally lived a traumatic life. I have been physically abused, sexually abused, abandoned, rejected, in poverty… I have survived it all. Sometimes I do more than survive.
I can flourish despite the obstacles…
But is it because God is good? Or just a determination to not die? SURVIVAL? Would a good God want this to be so hard?
I have honestly never struggled with this question it has always been an AUTO YES HE IS GOOD?
I realize I may have said it as a way to survive. No person could totally break me because my God will… eventually… rescue me. I still had to fight my way out… Kicking, screaming and punching my way to another side. Did God save me or was it only an elimination of the fittest? Maybe I was mentally fit enough to survive the worse.
I’ve done some pretty big things with a small god… I desire to do the supernatural things with a BIG God. Little god will no longer do. I need to know I serve the biggest, most powerful God.
I know to do this I have to trust the Big God.
I can honestly say today. I do not.
I need Him to show up for me. I don’t want to fight for it, I don’t want to demand it, manipulate it, dream it, or even work for it. I want him to show up just for me. With a massive show of love.
Imagine the most romantic love scene when a man asks a woman to marry him…I want something even bigger..JUST FOR ME.
Something so big, the most memorable, I know why I choose you and continue to choose you kinda deal! Over the top, it could be embarrassing! That’s what I want..
I need him to become the Father he says he is. And a good father doesn’t require me to work to be good to me. He loves me the moment life is created; actually, the bible says even before time began.
SO.. I expect HIM TO BE THERE…
Right now, life is good and easier than ever. I’m not as broken, I feel at peace, life is pretty calm…
I could easily believe I don’t need him in a Big way… I’m learning I need him more now then when I was at my worse. Not in desperation to pull me out of the hell I was walking in. I now need him to show me how big He is..
When you’re drowning a life jacket is an answered prayer! Or in a desert and have no water a little rain is a lifesaver… When your heart is shattered into a billion pieces some glue to mend it back is the difference between life and death…
I’m not whole.
I’m like a stained glass window. My testimony and life are all the broken pieces that are being put back together. I don’t want to be fragmented pieced together… I want to be WHOLE, HEALED, TOTALLY RESTORED, BETTER THEN THEN THE ORIGINAL…
I love this definition of WHOLE: in an unbroken or undamaged state; in one piece.
I’m no longer satisfied with God being the little god that only comes when it is bad… I NEED HIM TO BE BIGGER IN THE GOOD THEN HE EVER WAS IN THE BAD… I desire to trust that He is here even now protecting me and loving me. Being my Dad. Being Good…
GOOD: benefit, advantage, profit, gain, interest, welfare, well-being;
I’m not relenting. I will know Him as Big.. Mostly I want to know him as Good..
