When I was ten years old, I really wanted to play the piano. I wasn’t able to take lessons, but the previous year I had learned to read music notes in choir. My mom had taken lessons years prior and had some books that I taught myself how to play. One song I  learned to play was the hymn “Just as I am.” Every time I had to chance, I would practice this song for hours and hours every day. I can still sit down play and sing every word of the song.

Just as I am was an altar call song we sang. I remember as a child how much I loved seeing people walk to the alter. We didn’t sing a lot of modern worship songs in the churches I grew up in, but this song drew out the same emotion. While growing up as a pastor’s kid, we lived with the expectation of people coming to church and giving their hearts to Jesus.  I would be excited and cry as they walked and kneeled down. Every day as I would sing this song to Jesus I would feel the emotion over and over again.

I can close my eyes and still see myself sitting at that piano belting out Oh lamb of God I come, I come.  The dark, cold church, the old piano bench, and the empty sanctuary. No audience just me practicing my song. I understand now why He wanted me to remember this image. I needed to remember I dedicated my heart to him a very very long time of go.

I’m really starting to realize how much I loved being a pastor’s daughter. I loved having access to the church every day. I was never a kid that didn’t want to go to church. I felt so safe and knew I belonged there. It felt more like home than my own home.

I would show up an hour before every service so I could talk to every person that walked through the door. Everyone didn’t matter if they were homeless or the most important! I wanted to be around people that knew my Jesus! If they were first-time visitors, I was even more excited! Maybe they would accept Jesus that night! Or take them out for ice cream and ask them a hundred questions! I don’t think I have ever met a stranger and had no fear to ask the bottom line questions.

I loved singing (I did it more than I want to admit) we had the music tracks and would practice hours and hours. I would hope I would get asked to sing! I didn’t do it for anyone but Him! Being the pastor’s daughter all the attention was on you without ever having to get on the stage. (If you are a PK you understand exactly what I’m talking about.)  To be honest singing or doing anything else that caused more attention really wasn’t in your best interest. There are a lot of harsh critics! It didn’t matter if I was 10! I was the pastor’s kid and gave many free reign to express their feelings. It really didn’t matter. Despite the nerves and fear I wanted to express my love for Jesus through all the practice, I put in.

I may not have the most beautiful voice, I may never be the most fantastic speaker, but I know I have to do this, I have to. There have been many times I literally wanted to hide from this place of my heart. I would make a mistake on a song and beat myself up for hours, or speak and not say what I desired. So many times I wanted to walk away from my voice and would say I’ll never do that again, and EVERY TIME Jesus will bring me back to a place that reminds me of why and I’ll get back up.

I may fall– over and over, BUT I have made the decision from now on I’m not going to deny the call I have. I’m a worshipper with my voice. If it’s standing in a crowd, or gulp on a stage leading worship, I have to do it! And do it with all heart! Maybe a little too loud, maybe a little out of tune! Doesn’t matter!  If it’s speaking about my Father, I have to do that too! I need people to meet my Jesus, and he’s been having me practice my whole life.

Just as I am, without one plea
But that Thy blood was shed for me
And that Thou bid’st me come to Thee
O Lamb of God, I come! I come
Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt
Fighting and fears within without
O Lamb of God, I come, I come
Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot
O Lamb of God, I come, I come
Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind
Sight, riches, healing of the mind
Yea, all I need, in Thee to find
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!
Just as I am, Thou wilt receive
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve
Because Thy promise I believe
O Lamb of God, I come, I come
Because Thy promise I believe
O Lamb of God, I come, I come